Divorce

Published compilations[edit]

https://bahai-library.com/compilation_discouraging_divorce

Tablet concerning[edit]

https://www.bahai.org/library/authoritative-texts/abdul-baha/additional-tablets-extracts-talks/322957444/1#106689881

Strongly discouraged[edit]

The Believers Should Know that Although Divorce is Permitted in Bahá'í Law, It is Condemned[edit]

"It is, of course, important for the friends to realise that although divorce is permitted in Bahá'í law, it is nevertheless condemned, and great efforts should be made to avoid it."

(From a letter written by the Universal House of Justice to a National Spiritual Assembly, February 15, 1973, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1318)

Vital for Bahá'ís to practice Teachings in contrast to permissive and undisciplined attitude of present society toward divorce[edit]

"The Universal House of Justice has noted with increasing concern that the undisciplined attitude of present-day society towards divorce is reflected in some parts of the Bahá'í World Community. Our Teachings on this subject are clear and in direct contrast to the loose and casual attitude of the 'permissive society' and it is vital that the Bahá'í Community practise these Teachings."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to all National Spiritual Assemblies, January 18, 1980, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1302)

"There is no doubt about it that the believers in America, probably unconsciously influenced by the extremely lax morals prevalent and the flippant attitude towards divorce which seems to be increasingly prevailing, do not take divorce seriously enough and do not seem to grasp the fact that although Bahá'u'lláh has permitted it, He has only permitted it as a last resort and strongly condemns it.

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to an individual believer, December 19, 1947: Ibid., p. 5, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1309)

Should by all means preserve Bahá'í family since divorce is strongly condemned[edit]

"Wherever there is a Bahá'í family, those concerned should by all means do all they can to preserve it, because divorce is strongly condemned in the Teachings, whereas harmony, unity and love are held up as the highest ideals in human relationships. This must always apply to the Bahá'ís, whether they are serving in the pioneering field or not."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to the National Spiritual Assembly of Central America, November 9, 1956: Ibid., p. 6, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1313)

Sociological reasons for relative ease for allowing divorce (though strongly discouraged morally) while marriage is made somewhat difficult[edit]

"In the Bahá'í Cause marriage has been encouraged, but made somewhat difficult, conditioned as it is upon the consent of the four parents. Divorce, on the other hand, has been made relatively easy, and the sociologists are just beginning to realise the importance of this law...."

((On behalf of?) Shoghi Effendi, Unfolding Destiny, p. 435)

Conditions for divorce[edit]

Antipathy, etc.[edit]

"Aversion", "antipathy", "resentment", "estrangement", "impossibility of establishing harmony", and "irreconcilability" are all non-legal terms in the Writings referring to a potential allowance for divorce (though strongly condemned and only as a last resort under rare/urgent circumstances and person causing divorce to become a victim of calamities)[edit]

"It can be seen, therefore, that 'aversion' is not a specific legal term that needs to be defined. Indeed a number of other terms are used in describing the situation that can lead to divorce in Bahá'í law, such as 'antipathy', 'resentment', 'estrangement', 'impossibility of establishing harmony' and 'irreconcilability'. The texts, however, point out that divorce is strongly condemned, and should be viewed as 'a last resort' when 'rare and urgent circumstances' exist, and that the partner who is the 'cause of divorce' will 'unquestionably' become the 'victim of formidable calamities'."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, November 3, 1982, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1305)

There are no specific grounds for divorce in the Faith--Divorce Should Only Be Considered if There is a Strong "Aversion" to One's Partner[edit]

"Concerning the definition of the term 'aversion' in relation to Bahá'í divorce law, the Universal House of Justice points out that there are no specific 'grounds' for Bahá'í divorce such as there are in some codes of civil law. Bahá'í law permits divorce but, as both Bahá'u'lláh and Abdu'l-Bahá have made very clear, divorce is abhorred. Thus, from the point of view of the individual believer he should do all he can to refrain from divorce. Bahá'ís should be profoundly aware of the sanctity of marriage and should strive to make their marriages an eternal bond of unity and harmony. This requires effort and sacrifice and wisdom and self-abnegation. A Bahá'í should consider the possibility of divorce only if the situation is intolerable and he or she has a strong aversion to being married to the other partner. This is the standard held up to the individual. It is not a law, but an exhortation. It is a goal to which we should strive."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, November 3, 1982, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1303)

Only grounds are irreconcilable antipathy between the parties[edit]

"As to divorce, while it is permitted by Bahá'u'lláh, it is heavily discouraged and the greatest efforts must be made to avoid it. In Bahá'í society the only grounds for divorce are an irreconcilable antipathy between the parties."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, October 27, 1986, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1338)

Possible specific grounds for divorce (not necessarily indicated as such in the Writings, but added here for categorization)[edit]

Requirements[edit]

Year of Patience

Non-grounds for divorce[edit]

Not to divorce for remarriage[edit]

Divorce only for exceptional circumstances, not for considerations such as physical attraction or sexual compatibility/harmony (even for a case where the wife was agreeable to the man taking a second wife)[edit]

"The situation facing you is admittedly difficult and delicate, but no less grave and indeed vital are the responsibilities which it entails and which, as a faithful and loyal believer, you should conscientiously and thoroughly assume. The Guardian, therefore, while fully alive to the special circumstances of your case, and however profound his sympathy may be for you in this challenging issue with which you are so sadly faced, cannot, in view of the emphatic injunctions contained in the Teachings, either sanction your demand to contract a second marriage while your first wife is still alive and is united with you in the sacred bonds of matrimony, or even suggest or approve that you divorce her just in order to be permitted to marry a new one.

"For the Bahá'í Teachings do not only preclude the possibility of bigamy, but also, while permitting divorce, consider it a reprehensible act, which should be resorted to only in exceptional circumstances, and when grave issues are involved, transcending such considerations as physical attraction or sexual compatibility and harmony. The institution of marriage, as established by Bahá'u'lláh, while giving due importance to the physical aspect of marital union, considers it as subordinate to the moral and spiritual purposes and functions with which it has been invested by an all-wise and loving Providence. Only when these different values are given each their due importance, and only on the basis of the subordination of the physical to the moral, and the carnal to the spiritual can such excesses and laxity in marital relations as our decadent age is so sadly witnessing be avoided, and family life be restored to its original purity, and fulfil the true function for which it has been instituted by God.

"The Guardian will most fervently pray that, inspired and guided by such a divine standard, and strengthened by Bahá'u'lláh's unfailing assistance and confirmations, you may be able to satisfactorily adjust your relations with the persons concerned, and thus reach the one right solution to this assuredly challenging problem of your life."

(In a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi, 8 May 1939 to an individual believer who, having married his first wife out of compassion, now wished to be permitted to marry a woman with whom he had fallen in love, saying that his wife was agreeable to his taking this second wife; Divorce (compilation), no. 13)

Cannot Use the Cause or Service to It as Reason for Divorce[edit]

"Shoghi Effendi wishes me to add this note in connection with your marriage; he does not feel that any believer, under any circumstances whatsoever, can ever use the Cause or service to it as a reason for abandoning their marriage; divorce, as we know, is very strongly condemned by Bahá'u'lláh, and only grounds of extreme gravity justify it."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to an individual believer, April 7, 1947: Ibid., p. 4, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1311)

Additional considerations toward avoiding divorce[edit]

Children[edit]

Divorce Concerns Children's Entire Future and Their Attitude Towards Marriage[edit]

"There is no doubt about it that the believers in America, probably unconsciously influenced by the extremely lax morals prevalent and the flippant attitude towards divorce which seems to be increasingly prevailing, do not take divorce seriously enough and do not seem to grasp the fact that although Bahá'u'lláh has permitted it, He has only permitted it as a last resort and strongly condemns it.

"The presence of children, as a factor in divorce, cannot be ignored, for surely it places an even greater weight of moral responsibility on the man and wife in considering such a step. Divorce under such circumstances no longer just concerns them and their desires and feelings but also concerns the children's entire future and their own attitude towards marriage."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to an individual believer, December 19, 1947: Ibid., p. 5, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1309)

Should Think of Future of Children[edit]

"He was very sorry to hear that you and your husband are still so unhappy together. It is always a source of sorrow in life when married people cannot get on well together, but the Guardian feels that you and your husband, in contemplating divorce, should think of the future of your children and how this major step on your part will influence their lives and happiness.

"If you feel the need of advice and consultation he suggests you consult your Local Assembly; your fellow Bahá'ís will surely do all they can to counsel and help you, protect your interests and those of the Cause."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to an individual believer, November 16, 1945: Extracts from the Bahá'í Teachings Discouraging Divorce, p. 4, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1308)

Pioneers[edit]

Every Effort Should Be Made to Salvage Marriage (for sake of God)--In Case of Pioneers, It is Even More Important[edit]

"He has been very sorry to hear that your marriage seems to have failed utterly. I need not tell you as a Bahá'í that every effort should be made by any Bahá'í to salvage their marriage for the sake of God, rather than for their own sake. In the case of pioneers, it is even more important, because they are before the public eye. However, in such matters it is neither befitting nor right that the Guardian should bring pressure on individuals. He can only appeal to you and ... to try again; but if you cannot rise to this test, that is naturally a personal matter."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to an individual believer, January 13, 1956: Ibid., p. 6, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1312)

All concerned should preserve Bahá'í family, whether serving in pioneering field or not[edit]

"Wherever there is a Bahá'í family, those concerned should by all means do all they can to preserve it, because divorce is strongly condemned in the Teachings, whereas harmony, unity and love are held up as the highest ideals in human relationships. This must always apply to the Bahá'ís, whether they are serving in the pioneering field or not."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to the National Spiritual Assembly of Central America, November 9, 1956: Ibid., p. 6, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1313)

If divorce occurs, the spiritual love between the two should increase and they become like siblings[edit]

"If divorce taketh place, the spiritual love and affection between you should increase, and ye should become like a brother and sister."

('Abdu'l-Bahá, from a Tablet, at https://www.bahai.org/library/authoritative-texts/abdul-baha/additional-tablets-extracts-talks/322957444/1#194162847 )

Law of divorce changed since time of Christ and Muhammad[edit]

"Regarding your questions: As you know, each Manifestation of God brings secondary laws, suitable for the age in which He appears. The laws of divorce, as given by Christ and Muhammad, have been changed by Bahá'u'lláh."

"Divorced people can remarry either other divorced people, or people who have never been divorced; but divorce is strongly condemned in the Teachings, even though it is permitted.

"In the Bahá'í Faith, concubinage is not permitted. It is only permitted to have sexual relations with one's own wife or husband."

(On behalf of Shoghi Effendi, Messages to Canada 1999, 20 August 1953, p. 187)

From Lights of Guidance (to categorize)[edit]

Youth Should Be So Deepened in the Teachings that the Thought of Divorce Will Be Abhorrent to Them[edit]

"From the point of view of the Spiritual Assembly, however, the matter is somewhat different. The Spiritual Assembly should always be concerned that the believers in its community are being deepened in their understanding of the Bahá'í concept of marriage, especially the young people, so that the very thought of divorce will be abhorrent to them. When an application for divorce is made to a Spiritual Assembly, its first thought and action should be to reconcile the couple and to ensure that they know the Bahá'í teachings on the matter. God willing, the Assembly will be successful and no year of waiting need be started. However, if the Assembly finds that it is unable to persuade the party concerned to withdraw the application for divorce, it must conclude that, from its point of view, there appears to be an irreconcilable antipathy, and it has no alternative to setting the date for the beginning of the year of waiting. During the year the couple have the responsibility of attempting to reconcile their difference, and the Assembly has the duty to help them and encourage them. But if the year of waiting comes to an end without reconciliation the Bahá'í divorce must be granted as at the date of the granting of the civil divorce if this has not already taken place."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, November 3, 1982, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1304)

The Friends Must Strictly Refrain from Divorce[edit]

"Formerly in Persia divorce was very easily obtained. Among the people of the past Dispensation a trifling matter would cause divorce. However, as the light of the Kingdom shone forth, souls were quickened by the spirit of Bahá'u'lláh, then they totally eschewed divorce. In Persia now divorce doth not take place among the friends, unless a compelling reason existeth which maketh harmony impossible. Under such rare circumstances some cases of divorce take place.

"Now the friends in America must live and conduct themselves in this way. They must strictly refrain from divorce unless something ariseth which compelleth them to separate because of their aversion for each other, in that case with the knowledge of the Spiritual Assembly they may decide to separate. They must then be patient and wait one complete year. If during this year harmony is not re-established between them, then their divorce may be realized. It should not happen that upon the occurrence of a slight friction of displeasure between husband and wife, the husband would think of union with some other woman or, God forbid, the wife also think of another husband. This is contrary to the standard of heavenly value and true chastity. The friends of God must so live and conduct themselves, and evince such excellence of character and conduct, as to make others astonished. The love between husband and wife should not be purely physical, nay rather it must be spiritual and heavenly. These two souls should be considered as one soul. How difficult it would be to divide a single soul! Nay, great would be the difficulty!

"In short, the foundation of the Kingdom of God is based upon harmony and love, oneness, relationship and union, not upon differences, especially between husband and wife. If one of these two become the cause of divorce, that one will unquestionably fall into great difficulties, will become the victim of formidable calamities and experience deep remorse."

('Abdu'l-Bahá: Extracts from the Bahá'í Teachings Discouraging Divorce: A Compilation prepared by the Research Department of the Universal House of Justice, January 1980, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1306)

Divorce is Conditional Upon the Approval and Permission of the Spiritual Assembly[edit]

"Regarding divorce, the Guardian stated that it is discouraged, deprecated and against the good pleasure of God. The Assembly must circulate among the friends whatever has been revealed from the Pen of Abdu'l-Bahá in this connection so that all may be fully reminded. Divorce is conditional upon the approval and permission of the Spiritual Assembly. The members of the Assembly must in such matters independently and carefully study and investigate each case. If there should be valid grounds for divorce and it is found that reconciliation is utterly impossible, that antipathy is intense and its removal is not possible, then the Assembly may approve the divorce."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to the National Spiritual Assembly of Iran, July 7, 1938--translated from the Persian: Ibid., p. 3, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1307)

One May Discover He Has Not Purchased Either Freedom or Happiness[edit]

"He was very sorry to hear that you are contemplating separation from your husband. As you no doubt know, Bahá'u'lláh considers the marriage bond very sacred; and only under very exceptional and unbearable circumstances is divorce advisable for Bahá'ís.

"The Guardian does not tell you that you must not divorce your husband; but he does urge you to consider prayerfully, not only because you are a believer and anxious to obey the laws of God, but also for the sake of the happiness of your children, whether it is not possible for you to rise above the limitations you have felt in your marriage hitherto, and make a go of it together.

"We often feel that our happiness lies in a certain direction; and yet, if we have to pay too heavy a price for it in the end we may discover that we have not really purchased either freedom or happiness, but just some new situation of frustration and disillusion."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to an individual believer, April 5, 1951: Extracts from the Bahá'í Teachings Discouraging Divorce, pp. 5-6, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1310)

If Divorce is Illegal Within a Country, Bahá'ís Are Bound by Law of the Country[edit]

"In answer to the question raised in your letter of June 5 as regards divorce: The Guardian says that if within a country divorce, because of affiliation of church and State in this matter, is considered illegal, the Bahá'ís must be bound by this law. At the present time they must under no circumstances raise such matters with any Government in question. This means that it is not right for a believer to get a divorce outside of, say Colombia, and then remarry outside and return there, where his divorce would be illegal."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to the National Spiritual Assembly of South America, July 11, 1951, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1315)

Assembly Should Not Interfere into Marital Affairs Until Believers Bring Their Problems to the Assembly[edit]

"...There should be no intervention into the marital affairs of individuals in a Bahá'í community unless and until the parties themselves bring a problem to the Assembly. Prior to that it is not the business of the Assembly to counsel the parties. These are but two or three instances illustrating that the commentary should not be added to the quotations."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States, March 22, 1968, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1330)

Annulment or Divorce[edit]

"...a divorce or annulment is called for only when the Bahá'í partner has denied his faith.

"When reinstatement calls for a divorce or annulment of an improperly contracted marriage, no year of waiting is necessary because Bahá'í divorce is not involved. The purpose of the year of waiting is to attempt the saving of a marital relationship which was originally accepted as valid in the eyes of Bahá'ís, and is now in jeopardy. A delayed Bahá'í marriage, conducted for reasons of fulfilment of Bahá'í law and in the full spirit of the Bahá'í ceremony, should not be viewed as a mockery but as the confirmation of a union contracted outside Bahá'í law."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States, January 27, 1969, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1332)

Refund of Marriage Expenses[edit]

"Concerning ... divorce: He has no right to demand from his wife a refund of the marriage expenses he incurred. In the Aqdas it is quite clear that the husband must not only give the dowry but must support his wife until the time when the divorce is completed. In view of this she is not required to repay expenses of the marriage, etc."

(From a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to the National Spiritual Assembly of India: Dawn of a New Day, p. 118, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1333)

Not in spirit of Bahá'í law to announce new marriage plans before divorce is final[edit]

"It is not within the spirit of Bahá'í law for one to become involved in the announcement of new marriage plans while he or she is still legally married to another. There is no objection to urging the friends not to go so far as to seek consent of parents before the divorce becomes final in all respects, but no sanctions should be applied to enforce such exhortation."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of Australia, January 17, 1971: Australian Bahá'í Bulletin, No. 198, February 1971, p. 8, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1334)

Guidance Regarding Financial Support in Divorce Cases[edit]

"The Universal House of Justice has received your letter of 9 December 1982 requesting guidance on the responsibility of Bahá'í Spiritual Assemblies in the matter of financial support in divorce cases. It has instructed us to send you the following reply.

"In some cases, usually those of Iranian believers whose marriage is not recognized in civil law and who, therefore, do not need and cannot have a civil divorce, the divorce must be entirely adjudicated by the Spiritual Assembly. We enclose a summary of points written on behalf of the House of Justice in answer to questions on this matter, which should be of assistance should such a case occur in Canada.

"In general, however, a Bahá'í couple in Canada who are obtaining a divorce must, in addition to the Bahá'í divorce, obtain a civil divorce, and the civil divorce decree will usually cover all such matters as division of property, provision of support and custody of children. The function of the Spiritual Assembly in such ancillary aspects of the divorce is thus advisory rather than judicatory. In order to prevent, if possible, a public dispute between Bahá'ís in front of the law courts, the Assembly should attempt to bring the couple to an amicable arrangement about all such questions, which can then be submitted to the court for its endorsement. If the efforts of the Assembly are of no avail, then the matter must be left to the civil court to decide.

"Once the divorce decree with its related provisions has been handed down by the court, it is the obligation of both parties, as good Bahá'ís, to obey it and, if either is lax in so doing, the Assembly should advise him or her about his or her duties and press for their fulfilment. The wronged party, however, should at the same time be left free to apply to the civil authorities for the enforcement of the decision. Unfortunately such enforcement is notoriously difficult, especially when the parties subsequently reside in different countries. It is here that the action of the Spiritual Assembly, reinforcing the decision of the civil courts, can often be of help. Except in circumstances of unusual gravity or cases where the responsible party fails to obey a court decision to provide support for the children, an Assembly should not contemplate imposing sanctions for lack of compliance in these matters. Actual enforcement should normally be left to the action of the civil courts.

"The House of Justice believes that the above should provide all the guidance you require in your collaboration with the National Spiritual Assembly of ... over the divorce of ... and .... ..."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of Canada, January 13, 1983, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1335)

It is Preferable that Couple Should Amicably Agree on the Custody of the Children--The Husband is Obligated to Support Wife and Children Until Divorce is Granted and He Has Continuing Obligation to Support His Children[edit]

"The following points are summarized from guidance of the Universal House of Justice given to Spiritual Assemblies and individual believers so that they may arrive at decisions in accordance with the spirit of Bahá'í Law either in coming to an amicable agreement to present to the civil courts, or in making a decision when no civil divorce decree is involved.

1. The decisions in each case must be made in light of the particular conditions of that case. The guidelines given below are general in nature and should be applied as far as possible unless there are compelling reasons to the contrary.

2. Custody of Children

2.1 It is preferable that the couple amicably agree on the custody of the children and submit their agreement to the Assembly for endorsement. Normally in the case of very young children custody is given to the mother unless there are compelling reasons which make this inadvisable.

2.2 Regardless of which parent is given custody, the children should be so educated that they may develop a proper Bahá'í attitude towards, and due regard for, both parents. Fair and practical arrangements should be made to protect the rights of the parent not having custody to associate with the children and spend time with them.

2.3 Usually custody arrangements continue until the child comes of age unless, of course, new circumstances transpire during this period which call for a review of the arrangements.

...

(The Universal House of Justice: Considerations Affecting Custody of Children and Provision of Financial Support in Cases Not Adjudicated in Civil Law, a summary, January 5, 1983, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1336)

May consult Local Assembly[edit]