Dating

Role of couple[edit]

Need to become acquainted with one another's character[edit]

"Bahá'í marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual attachment of mind and heart. Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted with the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them may be a tie that will endure forever. Their purpose must be this: to become loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity.... "

('Abdu'l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Bahá, section 86)

A couple should study each other's character and spend time getting to know each other before they decide to marry[edit]

"The Bahá'í Teachings do not contemplate any form of 'trial marriage'. A couple should study each other's character and spend time getting to know each other before they decide to marry, and when they do marry it should be with the intention of establishing an eternal bond."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, November 3, 1982, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1269)

May be wise (where society has materialism and failing marriages) to have a long period of courtship to become acquainted with each other's characters, background, and family[edit]

"In the context of the society in which your family now lives, a society in which materialism, self-centeredness and failing marriages are all too common, your sons may well feel that it is wise to have a long period of courtship in which the prospective partners spend much time together and become thoroughly acquainted with each other’s character, background and family. This practice does not in itself contradict Bahá’í law and, as it is not unacceptable in … [country name removed], it appears to be a viable option. As you are aware, Bahá’u’lláh ordained that Bahá’í engagement should not exceed 95 days, and, although this law has not yet been applied universally, it highlights the desirability of marrying quickly once the decision to marry has been firmly taken and parental consent obtained. However, in a relationship in which such a decision has not been taken and in which the law of chastity is strictly observed, there is no objection, in principle, to a prolonged friendship in which the two individuals entertain the possibility of marrying each other at some time in the future."

(On behalf of? the Universal House of Justice, August 28, 1994 to an individual, published in Marriage Can Be Forever--Preparation Counts! (archived))

Role of parents (along with couple) in ascertaining knowledge of character[edit]

Law of the Consent of parents is meant to detain young people from marrying without considering the subject thoroughly[edit]

"Bahá'u'lláh definitely says that the consent of the parents should be obtained before the marriage is sanctioned and that undoubtedly has great wisdom. It will at least detain young people from marrying without considering the subject thoroughly."

(From a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to an individual believer, May 29, 1929, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1233)

Knowledge of character responsibility of two parties and parents[edit]

"Bahá'í law places the responsibility for ascertaining knowledge of the character of those entering into the marriage contract on the two parties involved, and on the parents, who must give consent to the marriage."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States, March 30, 1967, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1231)

Parents' permission for marriage is after couple's wish is known[edit]

"Desiring to establish love, unity and harmony amidst Our servants, We have conditioned it, once the couple's wish is known, upon the permission of their parents, lest enmity and rancour should arise amongst them."

(Bahá'u'lláh, Kitáb-i-Aqdas, par. 65)

Before one asks one's parents for consent, parents have no right to interfere in one's choice[edit]

"As for the question regarding marriage under the Law of God: first thou must choose one who is pleasing to thee, and then the matter is subject to the consent of the father and mother. Before thou makest thy choice, they have no right to interfere."

('Abdu'l-Bahá, Selections from the Writings of 'Abdu'l-Bahá, sec. 85, p. 118)

Pilgrim's notes[edit]

See "Before choosing a wife a man must think soberly" in Star of the West, vol. 11, issue 1, p. 20

To-dos for this page[edit]

Add more from http://www.bahairelationships.com/DatingandCourtingGuidanceforBaha%27is.pdf (archived) ?