Parental consent

Compilations

• https://bahai-library.com/compilation_consent_parents

Ascertaining knowledge of character

Knowledge of Character Responsibility of Two Parties and Parents

"Bahá'í law places the responsibility for ascertaining knowledge of the character of those entering into the marriage contract on the two parties involved, and on the parents, who must give consent to the marriage.

"The obligation of the Spiritual Assembly is to ascertain that all requirements of civil and Bahá'í law have been complied with, and, having done so, the Assembly may neither refuse to perform the marriage ceremony nor delay it."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States, March 30, 1967, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1231)

Must Become Thoroughly Acquainted with Characters of Each Other

"Bahá'í marriage is the commitment of the two parties one to the other, and their mutual attachment of mind and heart. Each must, however, exercise the utmost care to become thoroughly acquainted with the character of the other, that the binding covenant between them may be a tie that will endure forever. Their purpose must be this: to become loving companions and comrades and at one with each other for time and eternity....

"The true marriage of Bahá'ís is this, that husband and wife should be united both physically and spiritually, that they may ever improve the spiritual life of each other, and may enjoy everlasting unity throughout all the worlds of God. This is Bahá'í marriage."

(Ibid., in Lights of Guidance, no. 1232)

See also

• Dating

(Possible) role of the Assembly

Parents may seek advice of Spiritual Assembly, but decision rests with the parents

"In reply to your letter of 9 March, 1979 requesting comment on an item in the Minutes of a Local Spiritual Assembly concerning parental consent to marriage, the Universal House of Justice directs us to say that while parents may seek advice of an Assembly about whether they should consent to the marriage of their children and the Assembly may give such advice, the decision rests with the parents and the Assembly cannot assume that responsibility."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States, April 5, 1979, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1238)

Attitude/actions for those not obtaining consent

May consult with Local Spiritual Assembly about finding possible ways to change attitude of any parents; believers to devote more time to service and teaching and chastely rely on God to open a way

"Bahá'ís who cannot marry because of lack of consent of one or more parents could consult with their Local Spiritual Assembly, to see whether it may suggest a way to change the attitude of any of the parents involved. The believers, when faced with such problems, should put their trust in Bahá'u'lláh, devote more time to the service, the teaching and the promotion of His Faith, be absolutely faithful to His injunctions on the observance of an unsullied, chaste life, and rely upon Him to open the way and remove the obstacle, or make known His will."

(Universal House of Justice, 9 September 1969 to an individual believer, Consent of Parents to Marriage (compilation), no. 13)

From Lights of Guidance (to categorize)

Law Requiring Parental Consent Should Encourage Young People to Consider Marriage Seriously

"Bahá'u'lláh definitely says that the consent of the parents should be obtained before the marriage is sanctioned and that undoubtedly has great wisdom. It will at least detain young people from marrying without considering the subject thoroughly. It is in conformity with this teaching of the Cause that Shoghi Effendi cabled that the consent of your parents should be obtained.

"I personally believe that if you retain your love as a pure and close friendship and continue your studies until you bring them to a close then you will be in a better position to judge and perhaps your parents would be given time to give the subject better consideration. Time can always provide things and settle disputes that temporary endeavour and heated discussion cannot help."

(From a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to an individual believer, May 29, 1929, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1233)

Consent Required of Parents for Adults, for Second Marriages, for Bahá'ís or Non-Bahá'ís

"About the consent of parents for marriage: This is required before and also after the man or woman is twenty-one years of age. It is also required in the event of a second marriage, after the dissolution of the first whether through death or through divorce.

"The parental consent is also a binding obligation irrespective of whether the parents are Bahá'ís or not, whether they are friendly or opposed to the Cause. In the event of the death of both parents, the consent of a guardian is not required."

(From a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to an individual believer, October 10, 1936, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1234)

The Law of Parental Consent is to Strengthen Family Relationships

"Bahá'u'lláh has clearly stated the consent of all living parents is required for a Bahá'í marriage. This applies whether the parents are Bahá'ís or non-Bahá'ís, divorced for years or not. This great law He has laid down to strengthen the social fabric, to knit closer the ties of the home, to place a certain gratitude and respect in the hearts of children for those who have given them life and sent their souls out on the eternal journey towards their Creator. We Bahá'ís must realize that in present-day society the exact opposite process is taking place: young people care less and less for their parents' wishes, divorce is considered a natural right, and obtained on the flimsiest and most unwarrantable and shabby pretexts. People separated from each other, especially if one of them has had full custody of the children, are only too willing to belittle the importance of the partner in marriage also responsible as a parent for bringing those children into this world. The Bahá'ís must, through rigid adherence to the Bahá'í laws and teachings, combat these corrosive forces which are so rapidly destroying home life and the beauty of family relationships, and tearing down the moral structure of society."

(From a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States and Canada, October 25, 1947, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1235)

Consent of Parents Law of Great Importance Affecting the Foundation of Human Society

"In many cases of breach of marriage laws the believers apparently look upon the law requiring consent of parents before marriage as a mere administrative regulation, and do not seem to realize that this is a law of great importance affecting the very foundations of human society. Moreover they seem not to appreciate that in the Bahá'í Faith the spiritual and administrative aspects are complementary and that the social laws of the Faith are as binding as the purely spiritual ones."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States, August 29, 1965: Canadian Bahá'í News, No. 265, February 1973, p. 11, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1236)

Consent of All Living Parents Places a Grave Responsibility on Each Parent

"It is perfectly true that Bahá'u'lláh's statement that the consent of all living parents is required for marriage places a grave responsibility on each parent. When the parents are Bahá'ís they should, of course, act objectively in withholding or granting their approval. They cannot evade this responsibility by merely acquiescing in their child's wish, nor should they be swayed by prejudice; but, whether they be Bahá'í or non-Bahá'í, the parents' decision is binding, whatever the reason that may have motivated it. Children must recognize and understand that this act of consenting is the duty of a parent. They must have respect in their hearts for those who have given them life, and whose good pleasure they must at all times strive to win."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States, February 1, 1968, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1237)

Parents May Seek Advice of Spiritual Assembly, But Decision Rests with the Parents

"In reply to your letter of 9 March, 1979 requesting comment on an item in the Minutes of a Local Spiritual Assembly concerning parental consent to marriage, the Universal House of Justice directs us to say that while parents may seek advice of an Assembly about whether they should consent to the marriage of their children and the Assembly may give such advice, the decision rests with the parents and the Assembly cannot assume that responsibility."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States, April 5, 1979, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1238)

The Opposition of Family Members Other Than Parents Does Not Affect Validity of the Marriage

"In this connection, the Guardian feels the necessity of bringing to your attention the fact that the validity of a Bahá'í marriage is conditioned upon the consent of the two parties and their parents only. So that in case the other members of your family show any dislike or opposition to your sister's union with Mr. ..., their objection does under no circumstances invalidate it. Your parents' approval would be sufficient even though all the rest of your family may violently oppose it."

(From a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to a Bahá'í couple, March 31, 1937, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1239)

Marriage to Non-Bahá'í, Consent of Parents of Both Parties Required

"Regarding the question whether it is necessary to obtain the consent of the parents of a non-Bahá'í participant in a marriage with a Bahá'í: As Bahá'u'lláh has stated that the consent of the parents of both parties is required in order to promote unity and avoid friction, and as the Aqdas does not specify any exceptions to this rule, the Guardian feels that under all circumstances the consent of the parents of both parties is required."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States and Canada, August 12, 1941, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1240)

The Child May Ask Parents to Reconsider--May Request Assistance of Assembly

"It is clear from your letter that you understand the basic requirement that parental consent is necessary to having a Bahá'í marriage and that parents may give or withhold consent for their own reasons. If in a given case the parents at first withhold consent, there is no harm in the child's asking his parents to reconsider,

bearing in mind that he has to abide by their decision. The child, on the other hand, may not wish to pursue the matter; it is left entirely to his own judgement of the circumstances whether to request reconsideration or not.

"There have been instances when parties have appealed to Bahá'í institutions (local and national) to assist them in removing any misunderstanding that may have stood in the way of a positive decision on the part of their parents. But there are no hard and fast rules in these matters. Each case is dealt with according to the prevailing circumstances at the time."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, October 28, 1984, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1241)

Consent of Parents Often Withheld for Reasons of Bigotry

"...the Bahá'í law requiring consent of parents to marriage. All too often nowadays such consent is withheld by non-Bahá'í parents for reasons of bigotry or racial prejudice; yet we have seen again and again the profound effect on those very parents of the firmness of the children in the Bahá'í law, to the extent that not only is the consent ultimately given in many cases, but the character of the parents can be affected and their relationship with their child greatly strengthened.

"Thus, by upholding Bahá'í law in the face of all difficulties we not only strengthen our own characters but influence those around us."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer; copies to all National Spiritual Assemblies, February 6, 1973: Messages from the Universal House of Justice, 1968-1973, pp. 106-107, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1242)

If Parents Are Alive, Consent Must Be Obtained

"Regarding your question of applying the sanction of suspension of voting rights to people who marry without the consent of parents, this should be done from now on. The law of the Aqdas is explicit and not open to any ambiguity at all. As long as the parents are alive, the consent must be obtained; it is not conditioned on their relationship to their children. If the whereabouts of the parents is not known legally, in other words, if they are legally dead, then it is not necessary for the children to obtain their consent, obviously. It is not a question of the child not knowing the present whereabouts of its parents, it is a question of a legal thing--if the parents are alive, they must be asked."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Guardian to the National Spiritual Assembly of Canada, June 26, 1956: Bahá'í News, No. 335, January 1959, p. 2, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1243)

Circumstances Under which Parental Consent for Bahá'í Marriage Not Required

"In reply to your letter about the problem of ... who is unable to locate the natural father of her fiance we are glad to offer you the following guidance:

"The only circumstances under which parental consent for Bahá'í marriage is not required are the following:

1. If the parent is dead.

2. If the parent has absented himself to the degree that he can be adjudged legally dead.

3. If the parent is certified insane and therefore legally incompetent to give consent.

4. If the parent is a Covenant-breaker.

5. It is possible under Bahá'í Law, in certain very rare cases, to recognize that a state of disownment exists. All such cases should be referred to the Universal House of Justice.

"The problem therefore is reduced to the simple question of whether your National Assembly accepts that Miss ...'s father-in-law elect cannot be traced and therefore may, to your satisfaction, be presumed to be legally dead. You should of course ascertain that Miss ... has made every effort possible to trace her fiance's father."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of Alaska, May 30, 1971, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1244)

Withdrawal from the Faith in Order to Evade Law of Bahá'u'lláh is Not Possible for True Believer

"The responsibilities laid upon parents as they give consideration to the question of consent to marriage of their children is directed to their conscience and therefore it is not possible to apply sanctions. On the other hand, the Bahá'í law requiring children to obtain the consent of their parents to marriage is subject to sanction, and as you know these are matters set forth in the Kitab-i-Aqdas and in the instructions of the beloved Guardian.

"At some time or other, every law of Bahá'u'lláh may impose a test upon the faith of a believer and the question is whether the believer will meet the test or not. As you are aware, withdrawal from the Faith in order to evade a law of Bahá'u'lláh is not possible to a true believer."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States, August 22, 1968, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1245)

Parents Give Consent to Marriage, Not to a Bahá'í Religious Ceremony

"1. Your understanding about withdrawal of consent by one or more of the parents prior to a Bahá'í marriage is correct; namely, if such withdrawal occurs, the marriage cannot take place.

"2. The principle of the Bahá'í law requiring parental consent to marriage is that the parents consent to the marriage of the man to the woman concerned. It does not require that they consent to the performance of any particular ceremony. Obviously, where the parents are Bahá'ís, it is taken for granted that the marriage of a Bahá'í couple will be by the performance of the Bahá'í ceremony. In some cases, however, it would be difficult for non-Bahá'í parents to give consent to the participation of their son or daughter in a Bahá'í religious ceremony, and in these cases the distinction of principle is important. In other words, if the non-Bahá'í parents consent to the marriage of the couple, the Bahá'í ceremony can be held unless they expressly object to the holding of the Bahá'í ceremony, in which case the marriage cannot take place."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, July 23, 1984, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1246)

Every Reasonable Avenue of Search Must Be Exhausted to Find Parent-- The Responsible Assembly Must Be Satisfied This Has Been Done

"The Universal House of Justice has received your letter of 8 May 1986 presenting Miss ..., problem of consent to her marriage by her putative father. We are asked to convey its response.

"It seems clear that Miss ... has a slender connection with her genetic father. Nevertheless, despite his long absence and his lack of any relationship with either mother or daughter, Miss ... is obligated to make every effort, however discreetly carried out, to ascertain his whereabouts, including such steps as contacting persons, firms or agencies, and even advertising in newspapers if necessary. The Local or National Assembly accepts that Miss ...'s father-in-law elect cannot be traced and the National Assembly may offer its assistance to the couple, if needed. When the Assembly is satisfied that every reasonable avenue of search has been exhausted without discovering the missing parent, the Assembly may permit the marriage to take place."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to a National Spiritual Assembly, June 2, 1986, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1247)

One May Ask Others to Approach Parent on His or Her Behalf

"If the father has been certified mentally incompetent, then no consent is required. Otherwise his consent must be obtained.

"If the young lady is concerned about approaching her father directly she may ask others to do this on her behalf. We suggest also that the Local Assembly be asked to assist."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States, August 18, 1968, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1248)

Marriages Are Supposed to Promote Unity and Harmony--Alienated Parent and Child Might Be Brought Together

"He feels that marriage is primarily a thing that the two young people must decide upon. If the young Bahá'í girl you mentioned desires to marry the son of the Hindu ... and her parents consent, and his parents consent, then there is nothing to prevent the union, as long as Bahá'í laws are followed.

"The Guardian suggests that the young man himself seek out his father, and explain to him that he wishes to marry a Bahá'í girl according to civil law, and then with a brief Bahá'í ceremony following it for her sake, and ask his father's permission and blessing. Marriages are supposed, as Bahá'u'lláh says, Himself, to promote unity and harmony in the world, and not dissension and alienation.

"It would be a wonderful opportunity if this marriage could bring the father and son, alienated from each other, together, at least in a moment of friendly and filial contact. In order to live up to the Bahá'í laws for the new age we are entering upon, we have to make sacrifices. If the Bahá'ís themselves will not sacrifice for their Faith, who will? It may often be difficult, but the results will be seen in a more rapid spread of the Cause and a greater unity amongst the Community itself."

(From a letter written on behalf of Shoghi Effendi to an individual believer, March 12, 1953, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1249)

Summary of Requirements for Adopted Children in Respect to Consent

"Regarding the matter of adopted children, the consent of all natural parents must be obtained wherever this is legally possible but no effort should be made to trace the natural parents if this contravenes the provision of the adoption certificate or the laws of the country. If there is no such legal bar to approaching the natural parents and if it is legally established that the man in question is the father, the child must obtain his consent if he is alive. If the presumed father has disappeared to the

degree that he can be presumed legally dead then his consent is not required. Furthermore, if the assumed natural father denies that he is the father of the child the following principles apply: if his name appears on the birth certificate of the child and if the law of the country presumes that the name on the birth certificate is that of the father, then he should be considered as the father for the purpose of obtaining consent. If the name of the father given on the birth certificate is not a conclusive presumption of parenthood and if the man in question has always denied that he is the father of the child, the child is not required to seek the consent of this man unless it has been legally established that he is the father notwithstanding his denial."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of the United States, October 24, 1965, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1250)

Adopted Children and the Special Significance of Their Relationship with the Natural Parents

"We acknowledge receipt of your letter of November 13, 1973 expressing concern that the provision of the Bahá'í marriage law requiring consent of living natural parents creates a double standard in your family because you have adopted children as well as your own.

"We appreciate your concern and are in sympathy with your worthy aspiration to attain unity in your family group. However, the unity of your family need not be imperilled because your adopted children when ready for marriage must obtain consent of their natural parents. Just as love for one person need not reduce the love one bears to another, so unity with the adoptive parents need not destroy nor reduce the unity a child may have with its natural parents, or vice versa. The characters and attitudes of the individuals concerned will have an effect upon this.

"You also state that unless there is a broader concept of the meaning of 'natural parent', you feel the law creates disharmony. Perhaps the following extract from a letter written on behalf of the beloved Guardian by his secretary was quoted to you by your National Spiritual Assembly, but we draw your attention to that portion we have underlined because it refers to the special significance of the relationship between children and their natural parents.

'Bahá'u'lláh has clearly stated the consent of all living parents is required for a Bahá'í marriage.... This great law He has laid down to strengthen the social fabric, to knit closer the ties of the home, to place a certain gratitude and respect in the hearts of children for those who have given them life and sent their souls out on the eternal journey towards their Creator.'

"In short, love for the foster parents and unity with their home should not exclude love for a child's natural parents, although it is likely a child will become very much more a part of the home in which he lives and grows up.

"Of course, wherever the law of the land or the Agreement of Adoption prohibits future contact between an adopted child and its natural parents, the Bahá'í law does not require the child to seek the consent of those parents to its marriage. However, children may very well wish to obtain the consent of their foster parents although not obliged to do so."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, December 11, 1973, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1251)

Uniform Adoption Law

"We have your letter of 23 July informing us of the Uniform Adoption Law which makes it the practice to withhold the names of natural parents from the adoptive parents and the child, and asking for advice as to what is required under the laws of Bahá'í marriage regarding consent of the natural parents.

"In cases where the Uniform Adoption Law prevents the disclosure of the names of the natural parents, the child is under no obligation to seek their consent to marriage, but in those cases where it is possible for the child to know his natural parents, consent must be obtained provided there is nothing in the law or in the adoption contract which prevents him from doing so."

(From a letter of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of Australia, August 7, 1966: Bahá'í Bulletin of Australia; No. 145, September 1966, p. 2, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1252)

Duty of Assembly to Ascertain if Consent is Freely Given. It is Desirable to Have Signed Consent, is Not Requirement Under Law

"In the Bahá'í Faith it is the right of each individual to choose without duress his future partner in marriage and the freedom of the parents in exercising their right to give or refuse consent is unconditional. While it is desirable to have a signed consent from each parent it is not a requirement under Bahá'í Law. The responsible Spiritual Assembly must satisfy itself that consents are freely given but it should not insist upon a signed document. Reliable evidence of oral consents is quite sufficient; some parents freely give their consents orally while refusing to write their consents."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to the National Spiritual Assembly of Guyana, April 11, 1978, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1253)

If Parents Do Not Name Future Spouse in Letter of Consent

"Basically, Bahá'í Law pertaining to marriage requires that the parties intending to marry must obtain consent of all living natural parents. Further, the responsibility of the parents in giving their consent is unrestricted and unconditioned, but in discharging this duty they are responsible for their decision to God. Should the parents in their letter of consent, as you indicated, not name a specific future spouse, the House of Justice states that it could be accepted and it would be permissible to perform a Bahá'í marriage ceremony on the basis of such a letter."

(From a letter written on behalf of the Universal House of Justice to an individual believer, October 9, 1975, in Lights of Guidance, no. 1254)

Applies whether the woman (or man) is a virgin or not

"QUESTION: Is the consent of the parents on both sides prerequisite to marriage, or is that of the parents on one side sufficient? Is this law applicable only to virgins or to others as well?

"ANSWER: Marriage is conditional upon the consent of the parents of both parties to the marriage, and in this respect it maketh no difference whether the bride be a virgin or otherwise."

(Bahá'u'lláh, Questions and Answers to the Kitáb-i-Aqdas, no. 13)

"Marriage is conditioned on the consent of both parties and their parents, whether the woman be a maiden or not."

(Shoghi Effendi, Synopsis and Codification of the Kitáb-i-Aqdas, no. IV.C.1.d)

See also

• Marriage
• Engagement
• Dating
• Arranged marriage

To-dos for this page

• Incorporate info on dating page re: parents